


Coming out and Other Secrets

by AllegroCrescendo



Series: Fast Times at Angeles High [4]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Am I getting better at tagging, Background stories, Based of of personal experiences, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of homophobia, Minor Character Death, Musicians, Skateboarding, Starbucks and Coldplay are my guilty pleasures, There are emotions in this one, coming out stories, it's happy and then it's not, its not really that angsty, past homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 17:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11086236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllegroCrescendo/pseuds/AllegroCrescendo
Summary: Yuuri and Viktor hang out outside of school and story-telling ensues.So that’s how they ended up in Viktor’s room, lying on their backs and staring up at Viktor’s pastel ceiling with Lana Del Rey softly streaming from his record player. “It’s for the aesthetic, Yuuri!” Viktor huffily declared.There was a comfortable silence that passed between the two. They were simply enjoying each other’s company and it was finally nice for Yuuri not to experience such heavy and gnawing anxiety for one in the presence of another. The serenity of the situation was relieving.





	Coming out and Other Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> I'll trigger-warn this. There's a reference to a character death in the past. There's also some slight angst in the end. But they're teenagers. Of course, there's going to be angst.
> 
> There's also two coming out situations. One really happened and one didn't. They're both my own. I'll let you decide which is which. 
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy!

It was a Saturday in September that Viktor and Yuuri made plans to hang out. When Viktor approached Yuuri on Monday and asked him if he wanted to hang out, Yuuri nearly jumped out of his skin with delight. The week seemed to drag its feet as Yuuri itched for Saturday to arrive. As soon as Viktor got out of early morning band practice, he made Mila pick Yuuri up and drop him off at Viktor’s house. Viktor reasoned that he needed time to shower and this was true because five-hour practices where one person escaped without breaking a sweat were seldom. 

Yuuri was nervous at the prospect of being in the car with the over-zealous Russian teen, but she surprised him with her calm demeanor, completely unlike her prying attitude when they had first met. True to Yuri’s complaining, Coldplay was playing loudly when she picked him up. Yuuri had to laugh at Mila’s loud singing and, despite the fact that he wasn’t the best singer, he was eventually coaxed to join her. He knew that she was stalling, trying to buy time for Viktor perhaps, so he played along. She dragged him to Starbucks and then took a long way home. It was oddly relaxing, calming his nerves that had coiled tightly in his stomach.

Mila stopped right outside of Viktor’s home. Yuuri had never seen it because the way to it was a left turn a couple of streets before Yuuri’s own home, and of course, Viktor always walked him the entire way. He was mildly surprised when he saw it. Considering Viktor’s father’s occupation in the music industry, he expected some lavish mansion. Instead, it was a modest, blue colored home with a white picket fence and an expansive yard.

Yuuri thanked Mila as he climbed out with his Frappuccino in his hand and a smile on his face. He closed the door, turned and waited for Mila to roll down the window. “Thanks again for the ride, Mila.”

“No problem! I liked hanging out with you. We need to hang out soon again. Maybe shopping, yeah?” Mila suggested.

“I’d like that,” Yuuri said, bending over to look at Mila better.

Mila smiled and scrunched up her shoulders. She giggled and suddenly looked up as if she just remembered something, “If I were you, I’d beware of Makkachin. She’s affectionate.”

Yuuri’s anxiety spiked at the prospect of meeting someone new who was possibly just as overbearing. Could he handle any more social interaction? “Who?”

“Bye, Yuuri!” 

“Mila!” He cried.

The redhead drove off with laughter and left Yuuri behind with his mounting anxiety. He shuffled hesitantly before entering the picket fence and walking to the front door. Before he could ring the doorbell, the heavy wooden flew open, revealing an ecstatic Viktor. With his hair still damp from his shower and smelling of vanilla, Yuuri’s breathe caught in his throat as he marveled. How was it possible that Viktor looked more appealing than usual? “Hi, Viktor,” Yuuri greeted.

“Yuuri, welcome!” He cried happily, stepping aside to let him into his home. Yuuri stepped in and took a quick glance around. The decor was warm and stylish with red and brown hues, but somehow, the house lacked all the feelings that made it a home.

He noticed a giant, brown mass curled up on one of the leather couches. Yuuri instantly made his way over to it and sat next to it, gasping in complete joy when he realized it was in fact, a giant poodle. 

 

“Oh sweet Jesus, I love poodles!” Yuuri declared, throwing himself at the dog and laughing when the dog shifted in response and started to lick the side of his face.

“That’s Makkachin. She’s a complete angel.” Viktor fawned over the sight of his crush and his dog, snapping a few pictures on his cell phone for his eyes and his eyes only. 

“ _She’s_ who Mila warned me about?” Yuuri laughed, snuggling down further with the dog and setting his drink down so he wouldn’t spill any. 

And so after a quick argument of who got to choose their activities, the guest or the host, Viktor and Yuuri decided they would switch off choosing activities as soon as the current one got boring. So that’s how the two wound up wrapped in a giant cuddle ball with Makkachin delightfully wedged between the two with a Korean war drama playing on Netflix. They originally put it on since they wanted to watch a foreign film, but decided it would be unfair to the other if only one understood the language. They settled on a language that neither of them new and were soon enough enraptured by the plot that they hurried to put the subtitles on, screaming as they did so.

Halfway through the movie, Viktor had draped his hand over the top of Makkachin’s furry head and began to run his fingers through Yuuri’s hair. The sensation nearly put Yuuri to sleep until he sleepily mumbled for Viktor to stop if he wanted to stay awake for the rest of the movie. And he'd be damned if he missed the climax because the two childhood friends had just arrived in France to fight in the war and no way would Viktor, no matter how relaxing his ministrations, make Viktor miss the ending. Viktor complied and Yuuri sat up momentarily to down the rest of his forgotten Starbucks drink, hoping the caffeine would wake him up. When he laid back down, part of him wished for Viktor to continue running his slender fingers through his hair. The more rational part of him would hate himself for missing the ending.

Once they finished the movies after many, many tears, Viktor suggested they simply listen to music and chat. So that’s how they ended up in Viktor’s room, lying on their backs and staring up at Viktor’s pastel ceiling with Lana Del Rey softly streaming from his record player. “It’s for the aesthetic, Yuuri!” Viktor huffily declared.

There was a comfortable silence that passed between the two. They were simply enjoying each other’s company and it was finally nice for Yuuri not to experience such heavy and gnawing anxiety for one in the presence of another. The serenity of the situation was relieving. 

However, the more and more Yuuri looked around Viktor’s room, the more his curiosity got a hold of him. The entire room gave off a calm, atmosphere. A large window with geometric designs and white curtains was on the wall parallel to the one his bed was pushed up against. With the sun hitting it, dazzling rainbows littered across the walls and their own bodies. One cutely decorated the bridge of Viktor’s nose, Yuuri noted. 

Apart from the window, fairy lights were strung up across his room and hanging strategically from their strings were polaroids of random sceneries as well as many of Viktor’s friends. Among them, he could recognize Mila, Georgi, Yuri, Chris as well as several kids from his classes, such as a loud sophomore who went by JJ. Other ones featured the Russian cousins posing in front of monuments, such as the Golden Gate Bridge, a sign proudly declaring 'Cancun' and Red Square. The polaroids were the first pictures he's noticed since being in Viktor's home. The living rooms were completely devoid of any pictures.

There was also other items, such as a desk, where Yuuri assumed Viktor did his homework, as well as a mahogany bookcase, full to the brim with books with topics ranging from _The Picture of Dorian Gray_ to Physics textbooks and everything in between. Piled next to the bookcases were cases of musical instruments Yuuri couldn’t even begin to name. He felt a bit guilty for that, but then again, Yuuri didn’t expect Viktor to be able to name different skateboarding tricks. 

“Viktor?” Yuuri asked, afraid to break the silence.

“Hm?” Viktor replied, rolling on his side to face Yuuri.

“Can I ask a personal question? You have every right to say no.” Yuuri said, rushing to say the last part before Viktor could react.

He wasn’t expecting Viktor to laugh as a response, “Oh Yuuri, I could never say no to you.” He reached out to brush Yuuri’s fringe away from his face and Yuuri subconsciously leaned into his touch. “R-right. Okay.” Yuuri took a deep breath. He was afraid to ask his question but his curiosity was getting the better of him. 

“What happened to your mom?” 

Silence.

Oh god.

‘ _I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up._ ’ Yuuri began to chant in his mind. 

“Shit! Viktor I’m so sorry! It’s not my place! I’ll shut up now! Like I said, you don’t have to answer.” Yuuri blurted all at once, on the verge of tears out of fear that he completely ruined their friendship. 

“Hey,” Viktor said softly, taking Yuuri’s wrist and rubbing comforting circles into his skin, “I’m not mad. It just came as a sudden shock, okay?” 

Yuuri turned his head to look at him and nodded. “Okay.”

“Did Mila tell you?” Viktor asked, eyes brewing with emotions.

“No, I...kinda assumed something was up?” Yuuri’s voice raised itself a pitch higher towards the end of his sentence, making himself cringe. 

Viktor nodded and searched Yuuri’s eyes as if they found the answers he was looking for. After much deliberation, Yuuri decided that Viktor looked as if he needed a hug. So he mustered all the courage he could and shuffled close to Viktor, shifting himself to press his head against Viktor’s chest and wrapping his arm around his waist. Viktor watched him the entire time with a confused expression and when he finally realized what Yuuri was doing, he gasped softly. In perfect response, Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s shoulder and burrowed his face into the dark mop of Yuuri’s hair. Viktor also realized that it had been so long since he last craved being held by someone. The two teens laid down and held each other with “Love” playing softly in the background. 

“My mother was a very beautiful woman,” Viktor began. “She was the youngest of four children. She had gorgeous long, dark hair, much like my aunt Evgenia, and these, _bright_ blue eyes. My dad always tells me it’s the reason he was first attracted to her. Everyone says I have my mother’s eyes.” 

“I could only imagine,” Yuuri said, wanting to shift his head up to stare at Viktor’s eyes but deciding against it because their current position was too comfortable. 

“You see, my mother, like my aunts and my uncle Yakov, were born in Saint Petersburg, Russia. My _Dedushka_ Peytor and _Babushka_ Natalya brought them all over to the United States in the 1980s when my mother was about 10 years old. It was because my mother was diagnosed with a form of brain cancer and medical treatment in the United States was better than that in Russia. They had to fake being Jewish to leave because, at the time, those were the only people the Government was letting leave. It was, after all, still communist, though less so than under the rule of Stalin.” Viktor stopped and hugged Yuuri closer for support. “And so my mother came to the United States for treatment. They removed the tumor from her, a very risky thing at the time.”

“So she lived?” Yuuri asked and felt Viktor’s nod in response against his head. 

“She then began to take up music lessons during this, because she felt that music was the best form of conveying her fears,” Viktor said, voice a bit bitter at the fact that he could relate. “But when she was 15, she relapsed. And once again, she beat cancer. The doctors swore that it wouldn’t return. And my mother lived a life free of fear from then on. But she continued on with her music. She also learned to cherish life on a day-to-day basis. She was full of spunk and character from her battles. She lived by the motto that the world was full of pain and that’s what made the two Ls so precious to her. Her life and her love.”

“That’s a good motto to live by.” Yuuri murmured. He pressed himself closer to Viktor when he felt his entire body slouch against him. He silently tried to lend whatever strength he had to Viktor, willing him to continue on his story. Viktor responded by shifting them so they were eye-level with each other. Yuuri backed away slightly, alarmed at how close their faces were. Nevertheless, he tried keeping his grip on Viktor just as tight. 

“My mom and dad had something of a cliché romance. Where one saves the others from troubles and they fall in love.” Viktor explained. It shocked Yuuri to see how much Viktor was opening up, especially since he would initially dodge the topic of his mother. He still, however, listened carefully to Viktor’s words. 

“Except that it was kind of not traditional because it was my mom who kicked the bullies’ asses for picking on my dad for being a musician.” Viktor laughed and Yuuri choked on his saliva.

“ _Seriously_?” Yuuri squeaked. 

“Mhm! It was in high school when the football players were picking on my dad. My mom, fresh out of the hospital tried to intervene. And when they told my mom that a Red couldn’t bring peace, she, well,” Viktor paused and chuckled, shaking his head, “She went off. My dad says the only thing he saw was a small Russian girl dancing around three football players and beating them in unconventional ways. Hitting their funny bones. Tugging their ears. Giving them dead legs. My mom said she aimed to humiliate them, not hurt them.”

It was Yuuri turn to laugh. He took off his glasses and burrowed his face in his hands, trying to muffle his laughter. The image of a female version of Viktor, dancing around and poking people here and there was absolutely ridiculous. Once he calmed himself, he peeked through Viktor through his fingers. The other teen was absolutely beaming and staring at Yuuri with sparkling eyes. Yuuri lowered his hands and smiled shyly. “She sounds wonderful.”

“Oh, she was! They were a match made in Heaven. They both loved music so much. My mother played piano and composed and my father is all about figuring out the chords and recording and all the technical stuff. So they worked together. In fact, my mother got a really sweet treat out of it. She’s always adored figure skating and one of their original pieces was the short program for a really famous skater.” 

Yuuri’s eyes widened, “No way!”

“Way!” Viktor nodded, pride evident in his expression, “Mom was always so...so demanding. So pushy. In fact, once they graduated college, my mom got tired of waiting for my dad to propose so she did it herself! They were both 23. And then two years later, I came along.”

“Pushy?” Yuuri said a bit sardonically, “Sounds like someone I know.” 

“Ha-Ha,” Viktor said, rolling his eyes at Yuuri. He couldn't help but smile when the other teen laughed. “Anyway, we lived a really happy life. They used to work from home a lot. We had a music room where my mom would compose and dad had a bunch of recording equipment. I would sit in the corner a lot and doze off to my mom’s piano playing. We traveled a lot too: Barcelona, Moscow, London. I’ve seen about 74 different cities by the time I was 10.”

“Must have been nice,” Yuuri commented under his breath, prompting Viktor to stick his tongue ou at him.

“But then when I was 12. Mom started getting really sick again. She’d get really dizzy at times and would lay in bed for hours with massive headaches. She was weaker than usual too and my dad knew something was up. So he took her to the doctors and,” Viktor paused and took Yuuri’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “And her cancer came back with vengeance. It spread to other parts of her brain. It happened all too quickly. She was stage 4 before we know it.”

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri whispered, bringing his hand up to cup Viktor’s face. 

“Mom let me mourn for the first month. She knew she only had a couple to live. So once my month of mourning was up, she taught me how to smile again. I would sit at her feet during chemotherapy and we would play card games. When chemo started failing her, she requested to spend her final time at home.” Viktor looked around his room, nostalgia evident in his eyes. “Mom always tried to make people smile. Despite her aggressive and pushy exterior, she harbored a deep love for humanity.” Viktor looked up at his ceiling with watery eyes and a quivering lip, “Everyone always said my mom would beat cancer again. They said that the third time’s a charm and it would be gone for good.” He stopped and looked at Yuuri, “I guess the third time's a charm for cancer.”

Viktor turned his head and nuzzled against Yuuri’s hand, “It doesn’t make me sad anymore. At least, not the way it used to. It makes me sad when I have to eat dinner alone because dad is busy at the studio. It makes me sad to know that my dad still is hurting and that’s why he doesn’t want to spend time at home because this place reminds him too much still of my mom, but he doesn’t have the heart to sell their first home together.” 

“It’s understandable to know where his pain is coming from. He lost the love of his life.” Yuuri tried to reason. 

“And I don’t hold it against him. I just get lonely something, you know? Sure, Chris and my cousins are fun to hang out with but they...well I guess they see me as that boy who lost his mother. Chris isn’t as bad. But Georgi and Mila, well, sometimes I go to Sunday dinners alone. And my aunts and uncles try to fill in the hole my mom left behind. But it just wasn’t the same, you know? My aunt on my dad’s side, Yuri’s mom, she gives crap to my dad all the time for never being there for me. I know he tries hard to be a good dad. But he’s hurting. So. I let him be.”

Yuuri sat up suddenly and Viktor turned on his back, looking up at him curiously. “What’s the matter?” 

“You’re a really good person too, you know that? A lot of people resent their parents for abandonment? You? You’ve understood your father and moved on. Only a really strong person can do that, you know?” Yuuri said, looking down at Viktor and smiling fondly. “You’re probably stronger than you give yourself credit for Viktor. I really admire that.” 

Viktor stared at Yuuri in shock before he smiled, albeit sadly, “Do you think she’s proud?”

“You wanna know what I think?” Yuuri tugged on Viktor’s sleeve, willing him to sit up, “I think she’s cheering you on as we speak.”

Viktor nodded and leaned in to hug Yuuri, mumbling a quick thank you. An idea suddenly struck Viktor. “Say, Yuuri. Do you want to see some pictures of my mom?”

Yuuri smiled at him, “I’d love to.” 

Viktor leaped up from his spot on the bed and went to his bookshelf, producing a silver box. The top was elegantly decorated with different flowers and swirled, golden lines. Three words were written in Russian, something Yuuri could only presume was his mother’s name. Viktor carefully unfastened a light blue bow and wiggled the top off. Yuuri leaned over slightly to see the inside. Several Polaroids along with papers and other items were stored inside of the box. Viktor left the box in front of Yuuri before going to change the vinyl on his record player to his mother’s favorite composer.

“Dmitri Shostakovich.” Viktor laughed, “My dad used to joke around all the time with her. Saying that she wanted Dmitri Shostakovich but had to settle for Dmitry Nikiforov.” 

Yuuri snorted, “Both are musical geniuses. I’d hardly call that settling.” 

Viktor looked over at him, smiling curiously. He kept his smile as carefully set the vinyl onto the turntable and set the needle on its edge. He waited until he heard a soft violin playing. “Now this one was my mother’s favorite. It’s called “Romance” from _The Gadfly Suite._.” 

“Very Russian.” Yuuri teased and laughed when Viktor plopped down next to him and shoved him lightly. Viktor reached into the box and started pulling out several different polaroids and picture, handing them off to Yuuri one by one. Yuuri took his time to look each one over. Viktor was a bumbling toddler in one, with a dark-haired woman laughing close behind him. In another one, Viktor sat in front of a cake with six candles. He had his eyes squinted shut and was missing a tooth on the left side of his mouth. Yuuri laughed and placed it down next to him. 

Another one was absolutely adorable. It was a photo of elementary-aged Viktor standing in front of the Colosseum, but he probably took the picture himself because only his face from the bottom of his lip up was visible. His hair was also notably longer than it was in other pictures. Yuuri laughed at his trademark heart-shaped smile. In the background of the photo, his father had his arm wrapped tightly around his mother's waist, and Lyudmila had her head on his shoulder. The both of them were facing the Colosseum. It was romantic and comedic, thanks to Viktor's face. “Okay, what was this?” Yuuri asked, holding up the picture for Viktor to see.

“That, my friend, is my first ever selfie. It was on one of our trips to Rome.” Viktor mused, taking it and looking it over. “Actually, Rome was our last ever trip. We were supposed to visit Sendai but that’s when my mom was diagnosed.” 

“Sendai?” Yuuri asked, “That’s quite a ways from where I lived in Hasetsu.” 

Viktor nodded, considered something, before shifting through the pictures in his hands to look for a specific one. Once he found it, he handed it to Yuuri. Yuuri took it and raised both of his brows in surprise. “She had hairs like yours?” Indeed, Lyudmila sported hair down to her chest, it’s silvery color identical to the young Viktor sitting in her hospital bed right next to her. His beaming smile and suddenly short hair were striking, but he still looked adorable.

“Uh-huh. I used to have really long hair as a kid. Up to my waist. All the girls in school loved it. They would entire recesses braiding my hair. The boys would call me gay. Self-fulfilling prophecy, I guess.” Viktor laughed and Yuuri’s heart caught in his throat. “When my mom started chemo and radiation, she lost all of her hair. So I said she could have hair like mine and dad’s and made my father take me to a hair salon where they cut it off for me and then to a wig shop, where they custom-made the wig for my mother. 

Yuuri looked at the photo closely. Several vases of flowers, as well as many stuffed animals and balloons, littered the background of the photo. Lyudmila had her arms wound tightly around Viktor and Viktor himself was leaning into his mother, his hands resting over her clasped ones. On her other side, Viktor’s father leaned over to his wife’s side, an arm around her shoulder and their cheeks pressed together. Despite Lyudmila's sickly appearance, they all smiled brightly. Viktor could clearly see that he inherited his mother's heart-shaped smile. Without all the machines attached to Viktor’s mother, it could have very well passed off as a normal family photo.

“Alright then. I shared something with you, why don’t you share something with me?” Viktor asked charmingly as he leaned into Yuuri. 

Yuuri rolled his eyes good-naturedly, “Alright. What do you want to know?” 

“Well, let’s see…” Viktor leaned against his headboard, folded his hands on his stomach and pretended to think for a second. “When did you come to terms with the fact that you were gay?”

The question caused Yuuri to leap away from Viktor and stare at him with wide, bewildered eyes. Fear instantly settled in his stomach. He almost started to regret holding Viktor earlier since it would probably be the source of teasing. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
When Viktor noticed Yuuri’s panic, reached forward and grabbed his hand. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m probably the last person to judge.”

Yuuri took a deep breath and recounted the day he first came out to someone. Despite his anxieties, he realized that Viktor was probably right. That, however, didn’t make him any less nervous. “It was in the 8th grade.”

Viktor raised a brow. “How old were you then?” 

“I was 12. I’m usually the youngest in my grade since I skipped one when I moved to America.” Yuuri began to twiddle his fingers, “There was this boy in my class. His name was Evan. And I always was attracted to him but I thought I just wanted to be his friend. Then one day, while we were at the basketball courts and hidden from view by the dance room, Evan kissed me. That’s when I realized I wasn’t straight. I thought something was wrong with me. And it scared me so much that after school, I ran home crying.”

“What did your mom say when she found you crying?” Viktor asked, interested but also a tad bit jealous that Yuuri already had his first kiss with someone else.

“Mom wasn’t home. Neither was my dad. Actually, no one was home. “ Yuuri chuckled. “It seems silly, but I calculated my ‘crying time’.” Yuuri did air quotes. “I set an alarm to stop crying. Usually my mom comes home first because she gets out of her job at the flower shop the earliest. Then, my dad leaves his job at Guang-Hong’s parent’s restaurant an hour later. And finally, my sister came home the latest because of her night classes at Community College at the time.” 

Yuuri was embarrassed by the next part but willed himself to keep telling the story, “So I let myself cry for 82 minutes before my mom came home from work. But...it turns out my sister came home first because classes were canceled and it was her day off of work.”

Viktor grinned, “Always expect the least expected.”

Yuuri rolled his eyes and smiled, “So my sister, who shares a room with me, comes in and sees little 12-year-old me curled up in the corner of a dark room and sobbing my eyes out. Naturally, as a good big sister, she freaked. And then I freaked out. It was a freak-fest.”

“That could be taken totally wrong.” Viktor teased.

“S-shut up!” Yuuri choked. “ _So_ my sister rushed over and hugged me and demanded to know what had happened and I just _couldn’t_ tell her. I kept crying and she asked if someone jumped me and when I said no, she was so confused. I insisted that if I told her, she would hate me. And then she said that she was my sister and she could never hate me. And then I reminded her of the time when I cut off her hair while she was asleep when I was 6.”

“You cut your sister’s hair off?!” Viktor laughed in complete disbelief. 

“To be fair, she said she likes it short now!” Yuuri pouted, “You’re interrupting my story too much!”

Viktor held his hands up in resignation with a smile, “Sorry, sorry. Continue.”

“So I kept insisting she would hate me and crying as she held me and eventually she calmed me down enough to the point where I could speak. After that, I told her she could hate me if she wanted to but that I was gay. And she stared at me for a second before she started crying herself. She was so relieved she thought I was hurt or someone was dying but she was so happy. So she hugged me and we cried together and she kept telling me she loved me.”

“Sounds like a happy ending.” Viktor grinned. “And your parents?”

“Oh, that’s an even better story. I came out to them a month later with Mari’s help. While they were at work, Mari and I baked a cake for my parents. It was a rainbow-themed cake but we covered it with white frosting. And then after dinner, we went to go get it and presented it to my parents. Mari let me cut it and I had this whole speech prepared but I panicked and shouted that I was gay when I put my mom’s slice on her plate.”

“Smooth.” Viktor mused.

“And my mom looked at the cake. And then at me. And back at the cake. And when she connected the dots she set the cake down and hugged me and cried and told me how much she loved me. My dad didn’t cry but he got misty-eyed. And they loved and accepted me and that’s when I fully realized that yes, I was gay and that it's _completely_ okay.” Yuuri smiled and sighed at the memory.

“What a happy ending.” Viktor sighed.

“So what about you?” Yuuri asked. “If this is a one-to-one basis, asking about my parents warrants me to another personal about you.”

Viktor laughed and fell forward onto his bed “So that’s how we’re gonna play this?”

“It’s what you started.” Yuuri stuck his tongue out at him. 

“Alright well mine isn’t so happy, so you can’t get mad, okay?” Viktor said. Yuuri pursed his lips but nodded. 

“Okay, so my family is weird, alright? They’re okay with homosexuality, but God forbid someone in their family is gay.” Viktor sighed. “My aunts and uncles were okay with it. _Babuska_ was too but _Dedushka_ and my father? They were...well they were less than pleased. _Dedusha_ was mad because I was supposed to be masculine. My father, well he was made because I came out about two years after my mother’s death at a Sunday dinner. I was a freshman in high school and I just _knew_ that I was gay.” Viktor explained. 

“My dad was worse than _Dedushka_ , though. Because how _dare_ I soil my mother’s legacy like that?” Viktor shrugged. “He didn’t talk to me for two months after that. He only talked to me when mom’s birthday rolled around. And because Uncle Yakov told him it would have upset my mother.”

Yuuri frowned deeply, “That was a dick move on his part.” He couldn’t imagine the pain Viktor went through. It was Yuuri's fear that his mother or father would reject him. To know that his worst fear came true for Viktor was heartbreaking. “But you two made up?” 

“Yeah. And I can’t hate him for it. If I lost him…” Viktor stopped and shook his head, “My mother taught me to forgive and build. So that’s what I did. Sure, I think about it sometimes. And yes, it hurts. In fact, it hurts a lot sometimes. But at the end of the day, he’s still my dad and he will be my only dad.” 

Yuuri didn’t notice he had begun to cry until Viktor reached out and wiped his tears away. “I know you said you couldn’t get mad but that doesn’t you had to cry.” He joked. 

“Viktor. I-I…I’m speechless. How could you...you forgave him? You forgave him for basically abandoning you and for hating you? That’s so incredible on your part. Viktor, you always leave me in awe with your kindness.” Yuuri cried. “I have a question though. Now that you know about me being gay, does it make you uncomfortable?” 

Viktor looked at Yuuri with an expression that blended curiosity and amusement. “Why would it?” 

“Well because we’re hugging and we’re alone in your room and we’re both gay and-” Yuuri began to ramble before Viktor stopped him, pressing his index finger against Yuuri’s lip and smiling. 

“If I were to be uncomfortable, do you think I would have invited you over?” Viktor asked and Yuuri’s whole face flushed at Viktor’s proximity as well as the ridiculousness of his question. “Now enough chatting tomato, help me clean up and let’s go order takeout.” 

______________

Leo was drying off after a particularly challenging water polo practice. Leo was a tri-athlete and it was very taxing at times. He was grateful Guang-Hong was supportive of him as well as had his own extracurriculars. It warmed his heart to see his boyfriend cheering him on in the stands with posters, but it was also an amazing feeling to be able to give Guang-Hong roses and stuffed animals after his latest performance as part of the school’s drama club. and Thespian Troupe. 

He tossed his towel into his duffle bag as soon as he finished drying off and changed into his shorts. He pulled his phone and quickly went through his notifications. He texted Guang-Hong first and foremost, sending him a message full of hearts and bear emojis. After all, Guang-Hong was his little teddy bear. He closed his messaging app and noticed he had a missed call and a voicemail from Yuuri. Frowning at it slightly, he dialed his voicemail and held it to his ear. 

“ _Hey Leo_ ,” Yuuri’s voice came and sounded completely vulnerable, “ _I know you’re in water polo practice right now. Can you come over when you get out, though? We have to talk. Thanks._ ” And with that, his voicemail asked him what he would like to do with the message. Leo hung up, hurried to change and grabbed his board from the team room before he said goodbye to his coach. He was quick to skate to Yuuri’s home. He checked the time on his watch and noted that it was almost 5. Hiroko would be home in half an hour. Whatever Yuuri wanted to tell him was most likely in private, so he had to be quick. 

Arriving in a shorter time than he imagined, he shot Yuuri a ‘here’ text before he texted Guang-Hong what he was doing. The Chinese boy responded with an ‘Okay’ and array of multicolored heart emojis. Leo laughed before he tucked his phone into his pocket. He made his way up to Yuuri’s apartment and knocked on the door, rocking on his heels in anticipation. Seconds later, Yuuri appeared and Leo’s stomach dropped. 

He shoved his friend back into his apartment. He wasn’t sure if he was surprised that Phichit was there too. The dark-skinned boy was unusually solemn and surrounded by dozens of crumpled up tissues. Leo’s heart pounded frantically and it took him a while to find his voice, “Yuuri,” he croaked, “What happened? Didn’t you just have a super awesome date with Viktor this weekend?” 

"That’s it, Leo.” His friend whimpered. Yuuri hugged himself, the way he always did when he was trying to convince himself to follow through with a particularly tough plan, and looked at Leo. His eyes were puffy from crying and they had lost the sparkle they usually carried when with his two best friends. “You know what you told me about Viktor?” 

"Oh, that son of a bitch…” Leo said, balling his fists and looking away in anger. His chest heaved with the sudden rage that filled it. 

“Leo, no! No. He didn’t break my heart. Leo, no.” Yuuri was quick to read the Hispanic’s mind. “No, Leo I broke my own heart.” 

“What?” Leo asked in confusion. 

Yuuri’s demeanor broke and he let out a soft sob. He turned and returned to Phichit, who took him into his open arms and held him tightly. Leo knew that the two held an unbreakable bond. Their relationship was symbiotic. 

When Yuuri’s sobs turned into hiccups and those hiccups into sniffles, he finally spoke again, “If what you told me about Viktor is true. Then I accept it. Because Viktor will never want someone like me,” his voice started to break again as Phichit held him closer, “Because I’m nothing special. I’m so average. I have nothing to offer him. He could have so many other people.” He sobbed. 

"Yuuri, you know that’s not true!” Leo shouted, exasperated by his friend’s condition. 

“Leo,” Yuuri choked back a sad smile through his tears, “It’s true. I’ll never have Viktor. And...and I’m okay with that. If I can just love Viktor from afar. If I can marvel at him. If I can just stay his friend. I’ll be satisfied with it. It’ll hurt me so much, Leo. But I’ve decided that I’ll never get to have the playboy. So I’ll be the playboy’s, right-hand man. I’ll love him in silence.” 

Leo shook his head and looked to Phichit for help. The Thai skater boy just shook his head in resignation. Yuuri had made up his mind. He was stubborn and seldom did he change his mind. “Yuuri. You’re going to suffer.” 

“If it keeps Viktor in my life, then maybe it’s worth it.” Yuuri cried. 

Leo shook his head and knelt in front of the crying boy. “Yuuri. I’m so sorry. 

And somehow, through some miracle and unforeseen strength, Yuuri smiled at him. It was a smile that slowly built a dam that held back agonizing emotions. It killed him slowly. Leo could see that much. “Leo, have you ever heard of the two Ls?” 


End file.
